Letters from students, letters to students
I always ask students to write to me after a presentation. Many of their letters are extraordinary. Here are some letters from middle school and elementary school students and letters I have written back to them. Please email me with your letters at stan@stopbullyingnow.com so I can add your thoughts to this page.
Dear Mr. D,
Hi, my name is J. Z. I am 13 years old and I like to skateboard. During your session in the library I learned about teasing, threatening, and name calling. Those ( I think ) are the 3 mostly used things in bullying.
I don't like teasing at all. I hate it when sometimes people bring something up that happened years ago and laugh and tease them about it. I wish they would just forget about it and move on so we can just move on in our life and live happy.
Threatening is not a thing you want to do. If you threaten a person and he's scared he'd be jumping all around afraid of what might happen. It's not a good feeling having to look over your shoulder not knowing what would happen.
Name calling makes the person who's being called the name feel low and unwanted. I bet it's not a good feeling thinking that you're unwanted.
Being a friend is the best way to stop bullying. It's a good feeling knowing that you may have friends to help you and make you feel good when you're put down.
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Dear Mr. D,
Hi, I'm J. W. From S.V.M.S. You talked to our school about bullying. I learned many things. For example, how bullies have low self- esteem, it's done by one person or a group, and that gossip is bullying too. There is a lot of ways I could stop this but a very important one is to be a friend to him or her. Someone always deserves a friend. One of my really good friends were bullied once, I felt so bad for her! She had no one to talk to her for a couple days. My friends said that they didn't want to talk to her but I did, so I went over there and talked for about five minutes. She was a very nice person. After that we have been friends ever since.
Thank You.
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Dear Mr. D,
I M.S. attended your bullying assembly and from it I learned bully's have low self-esteem, they can hurt you with words or physically, and that it can be done by one person or a group. I also learned I can stop it by being the victims friend and standing up for him or her, tell a teacher, warn the bully to stop. A personal insight I had with that was that a bully was picking on a new girl and I told the bully to stop and I invited the girl into our group. That made her feel better and surprisingly it made the bully stop.
Thank you for teaching this wonderful information to me. By teaching me this, now I can pass it on and also teach others. The people I and you teach can also help by being anti-bully.
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Dear Mr. D.,
Hi, my name is T. R. from S.V.M.S.. I have learned a lot about bullying. I now know that it is good to be a friend to someone that is being bullied by someone else.
What I can do to help bullying is to defend someone that is being bullied and to help them feel better because they were bullied.
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Dear Mr. D.,
My name is J. R. I'm an 8th grader at S.V.M.S. I really liked your show at our school. I've always thought magic was pretty cool. I learned a lot from your show. I learned that bullying can be done by a group of people too, not just one. It's really important to know they can tease you around and hurt you with words or physically.
Your show was really important to me. I never realized how bullying can really hurt other people. I'm gonna help to stop bullying. I'm going to be a friend to whoever the victim is. I'm going to talk with them to make them feel special and strong. That way they will feel free to tell that bully to stop or something. I'm going to do the best I can. I hope you can write me back soon and tell me how good my ideas are if they are good.
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Dear Mr. D.
Hi, my name is C. V. I am in 8th grade. I think this is a good school. When you came to our school I learned 3 new things that I didn't know. I didn't know that bullies hurt people physically, that bullies are sometimes scared too ( like if the bully hit me and I used self- defense and I hit him, he might start crying) they aren't as tough as we think they are. Finally, the last thing I didn't know is that some have low self-esteem. I thought they bullied kids around because they think it's funny.
The thing I would do to stop someone from bullying someone else is to tell a teacher or stand up for the victim and tell him to stop. Most of the time the victim, that the bully was picking on, becomes your friend. If you do that a lot, you will have more friends.
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Dear Mr. D.,
Hello! My name is H. P. I go to S.V.M.S. You had a very interesting assembly. I am extremely glad that you told us about bullying and what it can do to a person. I learned a lot of things! Here are a few things I learned that bullying can hurt you not only with words, but it can also hurt you physically to. Another thing I learned was that you can just walk away, and then you can tell the counselor, and ask him to talk to both of you guys together. Bullying can be a lot of things like teasing, threatening, and hitting. I also learned that bullies usually have low self- esteem.
One day I was at school and I heard this boy say "Gosh, you need to go to Jenny Craig. You are so fat." So I went up to him. I told him to leave her alone and stop acting immature. He walked away.
Thank you so much for coming. We are extremely grateful.
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Dear Mr. D.,
Hi, my name is K. C., I attended your show at S.V.M.S. I learned from your show that bullies are rude, they try to make other people feel bad just so that they can feel good. They spread rumors just so that they can get their way. Although the saying goes "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." It doesn't always work, on the outside it might, but deep down inside it hurts. I thought your show was really fun and funny.
I can help stop bullying at S.V.M.S. by telling the bully to stop, and telling him that it isn't funny, "Just because you can hurt someone."Then I would go and tell a teacher or an adult near by.
Thank you very much for coming to our school. I think it helped get the word out.
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It did teach me about bullying. I know that there are a lot of types of bullying but I only know three. They are blackmail, emotional, and physical. Some things I can do to stop bullying are first all not bully myself. I could stop it if I see it by telling an adult, or telling a teacher. I could ask the one bullying to stop or I could get other people to help me stop the person. I could take the person that is getting bullied away. If I was getting bullied I could just walk away.
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Dear Mr. D.,
Hello, I'm J. R. One of the Natural Helpers you met. I really enjoyed your private lecture and your methods on how to get a person talking without pushing them.
There were three main things I learned from your show such as the two main types of bullying. Which are emotional and physical. The physical can be emotional but physical is hurting the outside and emotional is hurting the inside. I also learned that no one has any right to make another person feel bad about themselves or about their financial background.
Thank you! I learned three new ways to stop bullying. I learned to ask openhanded questions to get the whole story. Back up the person getting bullied and tell the bully to stop or to tell a teacher.
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Dear Mr. D.,
Hi, my name is R. S. I'm in 8th grade at S.V.M.S.
I attended your bullying assembly and thought it was cool but I thought the magic was even cooler. I learned that bullying is mean, disruptive, and can damage a person's point of thinking. I think what I can do to help stop it is when I see it, try to make the bully have the same pressure put back on him, I know what your thinking, I'm just going to as bad as the bully but all I'm just going to do is tell him what he's really doing and give him the choice to do what ever.
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Dear Mr. D.,
my name is J. R. I go to S.V.M.S. I'm in the 8th grade. I like skateboarding, BMX racing, and I like hard rock music.
You taught me a lot about bullying and how to stop it. I now know to walk away, tell them to stop, or tell a teacher.
Thanks to you our schools bullying percentage has gone way down. We don't have a chart or anything but I can tell.
Thanks for coming to our school, you have been a big help! Maybe you can have another tour in a few years to tell some younger kids about bullying.
One time I was being bullied and someone told that person to stop. They did. I felt really good. I'll bet if it weren't for you they wouldn't have told the bully to stop and I probably would have gotten hurt, thanks!
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Dear Mr.,
I've experienced bullying myself. I've also thought about suicide but don't worry I'm still alive. I learned so much about bullying by just watching your play. it really helped me open up and defend myself from the bullies. Thank you for everything. I learned that bullying ends up hurting people physically and emotionally. Also I learned that bullying can get you arrested. Last I learned that gossip is a form of bullying. Again I thank you for coming to S.V.M.S.
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Dear Mr. D.,
If it wouldn't have been for your advise, I'd probably be getting bullied right now. I now have learned to stick up for myself and as well for my friends. I learned to become friends with many people I never knew before. I have learned to talk to one another when they are in need of a friend. I think you helped many people at my school. There used to be a lot more bullying. (especially when the 8th graders would bully the 6th
graders) Now there is hardly any.
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Dear Mr. D.,
Although bullying has never been a problem for me I have seen it happen. Most of the time it’s name calling and leaving someone out. Before I just felt sorry for them, now I know what to do. Now I give them a warm smile or make sure they feel happy.
I once introduced a new girl to some friends so she wouldn't feel left out. A few days ago, I told a girl that had spread a false rumor, that it was wrong to spread rumors. She then went and told everyone that it was false.
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Dear Mr. Davis,
This girl and I aren’t getting along so well. The other day I was in the hall and she flung a rubber band at me. Well, instead of picking it up I told my teacher (thanks to your advice) and I didn’t get into trouble.
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Dear Mr. Davis,
You really changed my perspective about "telling a teacher". I used to think it was bad to go running to a teacher if a fight was brewing, but now I know it’s not. I was fascinated to discover that there are 10 [bystander] kids to [each] bully! Thanks again for coming.
Forever Curious, J.M. Grade 6
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Dear Mr. Davis,
There has been less bullying since you have been here. I think that many people have stopped fighting by talking out their problems. I remember a ton from your show and think that you have guided me and many others. Because of the saying that you shared with us, I know not to stand around and let things happen. You shared with us a very powerful message.
K.W. Grade 6
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Dear Mr. Davis,
I am feeling better ever since you came to our school. There is this girl who sits by me in I.A. and she was lonely. People would pick on her and call her ugly. Well, at the dance she was leaning on the wall and I went over there and said, "Come meet some of my friends". After that we got the same colors on our braces.
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Dear Mr. Davis,
I remember a whole lot from your show and I remember how you told us to step in to get friends to stop bullying. You mentioned breaking the silence, telling teachers, staff, administrators and other adults. My friends and I have already stopped several bullyings.
To students at Spring Valley Middle school in California:
Dear Students,
I will react to your letters as I go through them:
Some of you wrote that you had learned that what you were doing was really bullying, and had begun being kinder to other people. You wrote that you looked again at the young people who have few friends and are reaching out to them- and that you have made good friends by doing that. Including people who are excluded is the most important thing you can do. Reaching out in friendship is something that adults can’t do- it is your magic to make someone else’s life better. And you might get a good friend too.
"We should talk with people who are left out." "Now when I see people getting bullied I go and help them out by being there and being their friend." "Just because someone isn’t the beautifulest or handsomest doesn’t mean that they’re not special." "You could really miss out on a good friend if you don’t try being friends with someone who isn’t popular."
"Making friends with the victim will help them feel better." "I’m going to start making friends with people who stand by themselves." "I remember all the times my best friend stood up for me. That stopped other people from bullying me." "The best thing you can do for someone who is bullied is be their friend." "As long as you are kind to others there will always be someone there for you."
"I was bullied. Now I have a way to stop bullying by making friends." I think this is great. Too many times people who are bullied feel ashamed or blame themselves for the bullying, and then pull away from others out of fear of being rejected. When you are isolated you are an easy target for bullying. Remember that most young people are not bullies, and keep trying to make friends.
" Bullying is starting rumors and threatening, not just hitting." I agree.
"Bullies pick on people to make themselves feel better." Remember that bullying is not the fault of the person who gets bullied.
"Telling a teacher or a friend will help you feel better." "I told a teacher and the bullying stopped." "I worry about telling an adult because the person who gets in trouble will get back at you." "Don’t be afraid to tell an adult." Remember that adults tell the police when someone hurts or steals from them. When you tell the teachers, they know what is really going on and can help you change it. If someone gets back at you for telling, it’s important to keep telling. Find a safe way to tell. Some schools have a confidential phone line to report bullying. Would that help?
"If more people stand up to a bully you don’t have to use violence." "Outnumbering bullies really works." Strength in numbers is a very important idea. When you stick together you can do almost anything.
"Your real friends are the ones who stick up for you all the time no matter what other people say." "If your friends don’t stand up for you, find friends who will." " I see people being bullied by their friends. Well really their friends are not really their friends because they are treating them wrong." "You helped me think of who my real friends are." This is the most important thing to remember in middle school- people get stuck in being bossed around or teased by their ‘friends’ and sometimes don’t realize that people who hurt them are not their true friends. It’s the same with a boyfriend or girlfriend- if they hurt you, it’s time to find someone else.
"If you tell adults they just warn the bully and don’t do anything, so it doesn’t help." "I think we should have stricter consequences for people who bully. I think this will stop bullying because if they don’t stop they will get in a lot of trouble." When I was with your teachers I talked about this issue. I hope you are seeing a change in how teachers react to bullying. Let me know.
"I think we need more people supervising in the halls here who can tell bullies to stop." Many of you said this. I will pass that on to your teachers.
"I’m different than kids who laugh at bullying. I am like a stubborn rock in the Colorado Rapids. I saw a boy being bullied - he didn’t know the English language. I didn’t laugh like the rest of them." Wow!
"I feel that I could stop bullying by not tagging along with the bullies and not give them any real credit of coolness just because they made fun of someone." "I can help by not laughing when I see someone being bullied."
"I didn’t think that kids who are bullies listened during your presentation." I agree. Why should they listen to me when they are probably happy being bullies? I think they will listen to you if you stick together.
"we outnumber the bullies and need to remember that." Yeah! "I think having a bunch of friends get together and confront the bully is the best way to stop bullying- better than telling teachers." Could be.
"I took your advice and when I saw my friend being bullied I pulled her away and then I told the teacher."
"Everyone should be treated with respect because we are all special."
"I will keep trying to prevent bullying." Me too.
To students at Center Drive School in Maine:
I enjoyed reading your papers very much. All of you said you would remember to speak up about bullying and to tell adults. You said you reach out in friendship. One of you wrote:
Love and Care can cure a broken heart.
Friends are important.
Stick together.
That is the best way to put what I am trying to do into words. I am planning to put those words on my web site and on a big banner to hang up during my shows.
Some of you asked why I do this show. As I talked about on the TV news, I was bullied myself as a kid. I have known some bullies and many kids who have been bullied, and decided that I wanted to do everything I could to stop bullying. I have spent the last 5 years putting this show together- learning the magic and theater, going to acting school, practicing, and learning by doing the show over and over. Your letters to me are part of my learning. I plan to keep learning how to do this show for the rest of my life.
You asked why people bully. As I see it, some people grow up in families where they don't learn to consider other peoples' feelings. Bullies also try to make themselves feel good by bossing other people around and putting them down. Bullies can learn to be kind to people and can become good friends. We can help them by getting them to stop bullying other people.
I am writing this on a plane halfway to Minnesota. Your letters have made me very happy. I would really like it if you would write to me again in a month or so to tell me what each of you has done to stop bullying at your school.
Your friendly magician,
Stan Davis
"Why do I do magic?" This is a good question. The younger kids only want to know HOW I do magic. I started learning magic 10 years ago because it is more fun than anything else I know. In magic the magician and the audience get to leave the boring, ordinary world we live in behind and go to another world where anything is possible. When a magic trick goes right I get a feeling of wonder like nothing else- I believe in the magic myself. And then the other reason is to keep my programs from being BORING. I always hated boring speeches. This way I figure we make a trade: I make it interesting and you pay attention.
You asked: "Why can't people just be kind to each other? Why do some people bully?" Good questions. Some people haven't learned to control themselves or what to do when they aren't getting their way. Instead of asking for what they want, or accepting it when they don't get their way, they are mean to other people to try to control those people. That is where bullying starts. Usually bullies blame the person they are pushing around for what they do, saying that they HAVE to bully them because the other pseron is uncool, fat, or because the other person won't do what they want him or her to do. Bullies can change when they know how other people feel about their behavior and when they see that they will get punished if they bully people. Sometimes it takes a while.
You asked: "What can I do if I am being picked on by the bully?" The main thing is to get help from other kids and from adults. And to help you do that, remember not to feel ashamed. You have done nothing wrong and you have no reason to feel ashamed. The bully is the one who should feel ashamed. Do your best not to believe what the bully tells you about yourself. Look for reasons not to believe what the bully says. And keep looking for help from adults and other kids. There is nothing wrong with telling. If bullies tell you not to tell it's only because if you don't tell they have more power over you. Once you tell you can get help. And if you tell and an adult won't listen, tell somebody else.
You asked if I was ever bullied. I was, when I was a kid. I was teased and I was hit. I was ashamed and thought it was my fault, so I didn't tell anyone else. It stopped when some of those kids moved away, but it went on for a long time. That's why I know that just keeping it to yourself won't work.
You said you will reach out to people who have no friends, tell adults, and tell bullies to stop. You can do so much to help!
One person asked to learn more about Dr. Martin Luther King. Dr. King was a person who believed in fighting for what is right. He also believed that you could fight with love and with caring about the other person. He and the other people in the civil rights movement marched, spoke up, and kept speaking up for what they believed in. Other people joined them, and there were marches of half a million people in Washington DC.. He fought for the right to vote, for the right to have a job, for the right to live in a decent home, and for every child getting a good education. Dr. King was unusual because he was able to speak well and able to use words to help people understand the truth. The quote I use in my show ("In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.") is such a clear way of learning how important it is that we stand up for other people. Dr. King went to jail many times rather than stop speaking up for what he believed in. He thought that a lot of the trouble in the world cames from people trying to make themselves more important or more powerful than others. He said he would like to be remembered as "someone who tried to feed the hungry" and as someone who worked for peace and justice.
One of you asked a good question: "How can you reach out as a friend to somebody if you really don't like them?"
If the person has no friends or very few friends, he or she may be afraid of trying to make friends, and he or she may do things to keep other people away for fear of being hurt. It may take time to get to know that person and for him or her to feel safe around you. If you take that time, you may find that the person is a great friend once you really get to know them. That does not mean that you should keep trying to make friends with someone who is cruel to you . A true friend is not cruel to you.
To the fourth graders at Center Drive School from Stan Davis:
I enjoyed being at your school so much! Thanks for your great letters. You said:
You asked:
"Have you seen a bully around and did you stop him?"
In my work at my school I try to find out who is bullying other people and to stop them. I talk to the bullies about what they are doing and I help them find other ways to be happy without hurting people.
"Why are you interested in bullying?"
I was bullied myself when I was a kid, and I have known a lot of people who are bullied. I decided that I want to do everything I can to keep kids from getting bullied any more.
"What should I do if a bully won’t listen to me or to an adult?" "What if you and your friends tell a bully to stop and he says: ‘Make me!’"
I would suggest that you keep telling adults. If some adults don’t listen, tell other ones.
"How did you do the magic tricks?"
10 years of study and practice. I have written a separate letter for your teachers to give you if you ask for it: How to become a magician. Doing magic is a lot of fun!
"Why do people bully others?"
Some kids haven’t learned how to control themselves, and don’t understand how much their actions hurt other people. They want to boss other people around. Those kids bully other people so they can boss them. They need to learn to think about other peoples’ feelings more.
"Have you ever been bullied?"
I was bullied when I was a kid. It hurt. That’s part of why I do this show.
"What should you do if someone won’t stick up for you?"
A good question. Keep asking for help- ask that person again, ask other kids, ask adults. Remember that if you are bullied you have nothing to be ashamed of and it is OK to keep asking for help until you get it.
"If you are a bully, what can you do to stop your anger?"
Another really good question. Learning to control yourself can be hard, but you can do it. Here’s how: figure out what problem you are trying to solve when you bully (maybe it’s when you get left out of a game, maybe you bully to show off for friends, maybe you bully people as a way of getting people to pay attention to you, or maybe you bully people to get them to leave you alone.) Have a friend or a counselor help you figure this out. Then find some other ways to solve those problems without hurting other people. Practice solving problems in the new ways. And tell yourself not to hurt when you are mad.
"How far do you travel?" "Does that get tiring?"
So far the furthest I have been from home is San Diego, California- 5000 miles from Maine. Someday I hope I will get to go to Europe, Asia, or even New Zealand. Yes, travel is tiring. I love to see new places, eat new foods, and meet new people- but it is great to be home too. That’s why I only travel 4 or 5 times a year out of Maine, and do the rest of my traveling in Maine.
Here is a great letter!
And a letter to students at Freeport Middle School in Maine:
Hello to you. I have been enjoying reading the letters you wrote me, and wanted to reply to some of your questions. Many of you said you plan to reach out to students who have no friends! "I will step up 4 people who are underpowered."
"How do I get the courage to tell the bully to stop?" The main way is to join with others so you are not alone- other students, teachers, parents. The most important strength is strength in numbers. Remember also that telling the bully to stop may or may not work, and have another plan in case the person doesn't listen. You may need to ask adults for help over and over- and do that if you need to. If you are bullied, remember that the bullying is not your fault: you were there and the bully decided to pick on you. You deserve to be protected.
"Why do bullies bully people?" Some people like to boss others and push them around, either with words or with actions. Some people don't care if they hurt others. If they get away with it, or especially if bystanders act like they like it, they do it more.
"How did you learn so much about bullying and about what helps?" When you care about something, whether it's skateboarding or football or playing the saxophone, you want to learn all about it. Same with me- I decided that I would devote my life to stopping bullyin, so I have read everything I could find about it, thought about it, and tried a lot of the things people suggested to see if they worked. But more than anything I have learned from the 20,000 students I have talked with over the past 4 years- and I look forward to hearing more about what you all do and learn about bullying at FMS.
"Were you bullied as a kid?" I was. That's part of why stopping bullying is so important to me now.
"Why not yell at the bully?" Trying to get revenge or to hurt people who hurt you can just get them to retaliate- and soon you have a big fight going back and forth. With strength in numbers there is no need to attack.
"What do you do if your friends become bullies?" You get a chance to stop them by telling them what you think of their behavior. That way you can help them stay out of jail as adults.
"What does magic have to do with bullying?" I hate being boring, and have found that the magic helps the presentation be interesting- and several of you wrote that it did make the time we spent interesting. But even more than that I want to recognize that you have the power to do something even more magical than my tricks- the power to let your light shine and include everyone so everyone has friends.
And a few of you wrote that the show was boring. I would like to have your suggestions about how to make it better.
Take care, my friends. I look forward to hearing more from you all at FMS.
Stan Davis
HOW TO BECOME A MAGICIAN
Some of you asked how I do my magic or how to learn magic.
The most magical thing you can do is to stop bullying at your school by telling bullies to stop and by reaching out in friendship to young people who have no friends.
And here is how to learn some magic tricks.
There are many good books:
- The Klutz Book of Magic
- The Amateur Magician's Handbook
- The Amazing Randi's book of magic
- Magic for dummies
- and Mark Wilson's course in magic.
And there are a lot of good videotapes. Video is a good way to learn because you get to see the way people talk and move while they do the tricks. You can find magic videotapes and magic tricks at magic shops. The shop I use most is in Boston (Hank Lee’s magic factory- 1-800-874-7400 or on the world wide web at http://www.magicfact.com). They have a mail-order catalog on line that you can look through. The store is a great place to visit, though, because they will demonstrate tricks for you so you can see what you are getting. You are best off getting advice from a magician like me about what tricks to buy, since everything in the catalog looks good at first.
A magician named Michael Ammar makes great videotapes that would be a good place to start- you can get them at a magic shop.
And keep in touch with me if you want ideas: stan@stopbullyingnow.com
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